(shuffling and stacking of papers)
. . . Clears throat . . .
The celebrity hacker known as Mr_ethica1 informed us at the United States of the Universe Post hours ago of an alternate dimension to the one we live in. Already being termed the 'Ghost Dimension', it appears to have been in existence since the year 2020. This human-created dimension is a virtual recording of sorts, specifically of every physical event occurring on the surface of the Earth. How this recorded dimension functions remains unconfirmed, but scientists are theorizing that a combination of live feeds contribute. Satellite imagery, cellular phone audio, sonar and thermal data may be compiled and synced together to create this mirrored image, a virtual world which can be rewound and replayed.
At the Post we caught a glimpse of the Ghost Dimension. It appears simple enough, a virtual environment in grayscale with high definition audio, yet upon interacting with the system the power of it is immediately revealed. A novice user can move freely throughout the entire world, and even though no direct interaction with the world is possible any user can effectively spy on anyone in any location at any time. However there is one hitch – a time related component. There is a delay of 30 seconds, presumably the amount of time required to gather and assimilate the live feeds. Not only is the entire surface of the Earth covered, but according to Mr_ethica1, the interiors of most structures have been breached. No matter where you were on the planet, anything that you have done since April 1st of 2020 has been caught in 3D.
Unfortunately the feed was available for only 15 minutes before an unknown source took it down. Furthermore USU intelligence agencies offered no comment about the investigation. But given the scope of the program, a world-wide effort will likely ensue and more answers should soon surface.
Public outcry has been immense. Everyone from businessmen to school children, even homeless bums have stopped their daily activities and taken to the streets with displays of outrage and demands of privacy.
A behavioral scientist at some online university has predicted that a new form of disorder will likely develop, coined the '30 second rule' after the amount of time available to savor unique memories before they become public domain. Buddhism has been prescribed as a remedy for those seeking spiritual relief, as it provides the ability to live in the 'here and now', and converts from all faiths are storming the temples. It was just reported that the Dalai Lama, who was delighted by the new following, in a paradoxical teaching attempt hung a sign around his neck with the inscription: “Your eye in the sky isn't welcome on our plane” before going into a meditative state. Five minutes later a suicide drone attack did him in.
To put the hysteria into perspective, the world's oldest cyborg and recent author of Rock 'n Roll: Music Theory for the Post-Generations is live in the studio with us.
Do you, wise cyborg, have any recommendations?
“Look, the problem is real simple. If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call?”
(silence in the news room)
“I ain't afraid of no ghost.”
Is that all of the advice you can offer us?
“And . . . buy a gun, of course.”